A kid comes home from dad's with a story about a kind stepmom. Mom frowns. Now the kid knows not to tell mom good things about stepmom. That's a loyalty bind.
Transcript
What's a loyalty bind? A loyalty bind is when a kid is not allowed to have his or her full expression of feelings.
For example: mom and dad get divorced. My mom hates my dad. My dad remarries — the wicked stepmother. I visit with dad. I come home. Mom says, how was your weekend? I say, it was great. What'd you do? Did this, did this, did this. And then I tell my mom a story about my new stepmom being nice to me. My mom frowns. I can tell my mom doesn't want to hear that.
So I don't tell my mom stories about my stepmom being nice to me. I'm in a loyalty bind. If I like my stepmom, my mom feels distraught, like I'm abandoning her, like I'm not being a good son.
Don't do that to your kids. Give your kids permission to have the full range of feelings, even if you don't like them.
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