The Gore Store.

"Don't Call That No Good Ex-Boyfriend" Lotion

$19.95

It's late. You're lonely. He wasn't really that bad, was he? Your friends never REALLY got to know him, did they? What harm can one phone call do? How about just a casual text? STOP! Grab this lotion instead. Resist the urge to call that No-Good Bum. A quick application of My Dermatologist-Approved lotion will help you stay away from him.

The Adult-Child Fumigator

$75.95

He's 34, plays video games all night and sleeps all day. He can't get a job because nobody has driven over to your house and offered him a position worthy of his talents. He doesn't know where the laundry room is and can't help with the lawn because he has a bad back and even worse allergies. Want to get him out? Turn this Fumigator on and run, run, run… Your “Golden Child” will be independent in a matter of hours…

"Anti-Whining" Drops

$39.95

Are your kids whining? Do they complain when you ask them to do something? Do they ask "How much longer?" every five minutes? Do they make "Mom" into a six syllable word? These new drops, when placed on their tongue, will cause instant compliance and good cheer in even the most defiant child.

Act Now And Get This Free Bonus Gift: A Nose Spray for that annoying nasal whining that drives parents crazy! Two squirts in each nostril and your children’s voice will sound sweet and non-demanding.

Serenity Solution Hair Gel

$39.95

We have all heard the truism: Would you rather be right or be happy? Now, putting that into practice has never been easier. When you feel that urge to let your partner know you are right…even though you know it will ruin the evening, the vacation or even just the meal—Then grab my new Hair Gel infused with Space-Age Polymers, just rub it in your thick skull and watch your desire to be “RIGHT” lessen, and your happiness level will rise to new heights.

"Don't Call That Lousy Ex-Girlfriend" Cream

$19.95

Sure, she was needy. And a little crazy. And she stalked you. Are you thinking, "So what?" Are you wondering if you should reach out to her again? DON'T! Dab some of my Clinically Proven cream anywhere on your skin instead. It will help you resist the urge to rekindle something that shouldn't be near a flame.

"How To Lose Weight WITHOUT Exercise and Eat Whatever You Want" DVD

$19.95

Tired of eating healthy foods and working out? Want to lose weight without effort or sacrifice? Have a seat, grab a snack and buy this revolutionary new weight loss guide…

"How To Get Your Man To Share His Inner World With You" Breathspray

$25.95

Does your husband not communicate well? Is it tough to get information out of him? Do his stories lack the important details you are seeking? Does he grunt a lot? Have him try my new Breathspray, which, when used twice a day, will get your man to open up and share his deepest thoughts and innermost secrets with you.

"How To Stop Your Teenager From Texting" Handbook

$9.95

Tired of your teen texting while you are talking to him or her? Is his thumb bigger than it should be? Is her ability to carry on a conversation impaired? Buy the handbook now, and learn how to get your teenager to look at you and speak while you are both in the same room!

"Man Who Doesn't Interrupt" Action Figure

$39.95

Does your man not know how to listen? Does he give unsolicited advice? Does he try to be helpful by problem-solving? Buy my new Action Figure and get that feeling of being understood and accepted.

"Man Who Doesn't Give Advice" Action Figure

$39.95

Does your man not know how to listen? Does he give unsolicited advice? Does he try to be helpful by problem-solving? Buy my new Action Figure and get that feeling of being understood and accepted.

"Stop Volunteering" Flakes

$39.95

Is your wife over-committed with her volunteering? Try these “Stop Signing Up” Flakes. These gluten-free flakes can be mixed into her coffee or her wine when she is not looking. These flakes are clinically proven to stop the urge to be on committees or to help her stop volunteering at the school, again. Just sprinkle some in her steel-cut oatmeal and you’ll soon have a more relaxed, less stressed partner…

Super-Hyped Pill To Help Problem Drinkers To Drink Normally

$39.95

Willpower not working? Is AA too religious? Is your therapist avoiding the topic? Just take this brand new pill and your alcoholism will instantly change to moderate, sane and happy drinking. NO EFFORT REQUIRED.

"See? My Childhood Wasn't That Bad" Photo Album and Software

$59.95

Does your therapist think you have issues? Does your spouse think your parents were "less than perfect"? Do you need to convince someone that you grew up in a healthy family and that your Parents Did The Best They Could? Use my special Photo Album along with my unique PhotoShopDenial program to minimize any pain and maximize both of the good times you had growing up.

Get Along With Overly Critical In-Laws Meditation CD (Non-Denominational Version)

$9.95

Not feeling good enough for your spouse? Your mother-in-law likes to point out your flaws? Your father-in-law looking at you funny? Do they still have your husband's pictures with his old girlfriend on their mantle? Do they still invite your wife's ex-fiancé to Thanksgiving and let him carve the turkey? This new meditation CD will teach you to accept that you will never measure up, no matter what you do…

Get Along With Overly Critical In-Laws Meditation CD — Jewish Version

$9.95

Everything from the original, plus special guided meditations for surviving the holidays, managing guilt, and accepting that her brisket will always be better than yours.

Get Along With Overly Critical In-Laws Meditation CD — Catholic Version

$9.95

Everything from the original, plus special guided meditations for surviving the holidays, managing guilt, and accepting that you will never be quite good enough.

Stop Acting Like a Victim Defense Spray

$19.95

Nothing makes me more miffed than when I get bullied by someone, then, when I have finally have had enough and stand up to her, she starts crying and acting like a victim…like I did something wrong! Now, just spray her with this special Defense Spray, and her tears will dry up and she will be forced to stand there and hear what you have to say.

"Keep Your Adult Children From Moving Back In" Room Deodorant

$25.95

Is your grown child hinting about “reducing his living expenses?” Is she making references to trying to pay down her maxed-out credit card debt? Is he starting to sleep over more and more–and most of his clothes are filling up your guest room closet? Try this room deodorant! My special formula will make even the most determined kid want to stay independent and “make their own way” in life.

"Be A Great Little Athlete" Antispasmodic

$39.95

Is your child not getting enough playing time? Is he a little slow? Is she a little uncoordinated? Try my new “Be A Great Little Athlete Pill”! Just take three doses a day for three weeks and your kid will not only be starting and playing lots…He or she will also be invited to all the “travel teams” and become a star! Guaranteed to improve your self-image as a parent!…

Single? Not "Feeling that Spark?" Try our "Spark Adder Enzymes"

$49.95

Are you going out on dates and just not getting that spark? That feeling in the pit of your stomach… the one that says "Danger!" mixed with "They are amazing!" Take this natural supplement the morning after the "meh" date, and the next thing you know you'll be looking forward to that exciting, thrilling second date.

WebMD Blocking Software

$6.95/mo

Do you or someone you know constantly search on the Web to understand their physical symptoms? Does this search usually end up concluding that they have a terminal condition? Do you want to prevent this "going down the rabbit hole"? Then try our new software…

BAmbian! — Not FDA Approved. Yet.

$99.50/dose

Does getting your baby to sleep create too much anxiety in you? Can the baby’s cries be minimized so you don’t feel bad? Try our new BAmbian! – Infant Strength formula. Now available in Airplane Strength. Comes with an Extra Strong Dose, yet shortened duration. Knock the Lil’un out for the trip, but not for Grandma! Now available in two hour flight strength and four hour flight strength.